The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question was
evidently meant for her.
‘Yes!’ shouted Alice.
‘Come on, then!’ roared the Queen, and Alice joined the procession,
wondering very much what would happen next.
‘It’s--it’s a very fine day!’ said a timid voice at her side. She was
walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face.
‘Very,’ said Alice: ‘--where’s the Duchess?’
‘Hush! Hush!’ said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He looked
anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself upon
tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and whispered ‘She’s under
sentence of execution.’
‘What for?’ said Alice.
‘Did you say "What a pity!"?’ the Rabbit asked.
‘No, I didn’t,’ said Alice: ‘I don’t think it’s at all a pity. I said
"What for?"’
‘She boxed the Queen’s ears--’ the Rabbit began. Alice gave a little
scream of laughter. ‘Oh, hush!’ the Rabbit whispered in a frightened
tone. ‘The Queen will hear you! You see, she came rather late, and the
Queen said--’
‘Get to your places!’ shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and
people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each
other; however, they got settled down in a minute or two, and the game
began. Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in
her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs,
the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves
up and to stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.
The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo:
she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, comfortably enough, under
her arm, with its legs hanging down, but generally, just as she had got
its neck nicely straightened out, and was going to give the hedgehog a
blow with its head, it WOULD twist itself round and look up in her face,
with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out
laughing: and when she had got its head down, and was going to begin
again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled
itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this, there was
generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she wanted to send the
hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up
and walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the
conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.
The players all played at once without waiting for turns, quarrelling
all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short
time the Queen was in a furious passion, and went stamping about, and
shouting ‘Off with his head!’ or ‘Off with her head!’ about once in a
minute.
Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as yet had any
dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute,
‘and then,’ thought she, ‘what would become of me? They’re dreadfully
fond of beheading people here; the great wonder is, that there’s any one
left alive!’
She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether she
could get away without being seen, when she noticed a curious appearance
in the air: it puzzled her very much at first, but, after watching it
a minute or two, she made it out to be a grin, and she said to herself
‘It’s the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody to talk to.’
‘How are you getting on?’ said the Cat, as soon as there was mouth
enough for it to speak with.
Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. ‘It’s no use
speaking to it,’ she thought, ‘till its ears have come, or at least one
of them.’ In another minute the whole head appeared, and then Alice put
down her flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very glad
she had someone to listen to her. The Cat seemed to think that there was
enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared.
‘I don’t think they play at all fairly,’ Alice began, in rather a
complaining tone, ‘and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can’t hear
oneself speak--and they don’t seem to have any rules in particular;
at least, if there are, nobody attends to them--and you’ve no idea how
confusing it is all the things being alive; for instance, there’s the
arch I’ve got to go through next walking about at the other end of the
ground--and I should have croqueted the Queen’s hedgehog just now, only
it ran away when it saw mine coming!’
‘How do you like the Queen?’ said the Cat in a low voice.
‘Not at all,’ said Alice: ‘she’s so extremely--’ Just then she noticed
that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so she went on,
‘--likely to win, that it’s hardly worth while finishing the game.’
The Queen smiled and passed on.
‘Who ARE you talking to?’ said the King, going up to Alice, and looking
at the Cat’s head with great curiosity.
‘It’s a friend of mine--a Cheshire Cat,’ said Alice: ‘allow me to
introduce it.’
‘I don’t like the look of it at all,’ said the King: ‘however, it may
kiss my hand if it likes.’
‘I’d rather not,’ the Cat remarked.
‘Don’t be impertinent,’ said the King, ‘and don’t look at me like that!’
He got behind Alice as he spoke.
‘A cat may look at a king,’ said Alice. ‘I’ve read that in some book,
but I don’t remember where.’
‘Well, it must be removed,’ said the King very decidedly, and he called
the Queen, who was passing at the moment, ‘My dear! I wish you would
have this cat removed!’
The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small.
‘Off with his head!’ she said, without even looking round.
‘I’ll fetch the executioner myself,’ said the King eagerly, and he
hurried off.
Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game was going
on, as she heard the Queen’s voice in the distance, screaming with
passion. She had already heard her sentence three of the players to be
executed for having missed their turns, and she did not like the look
of things at all, as the game was in such confusion that she never knew
whether it was her turn or not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.
The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which seemed
to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with the
other: the only difficulty was, that her flamingo was gone across to the
other side of the garden, where Alice could see it trying in a helpless
sort of way to fly up into a tree.
By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight
was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: ‘but it doesn’t
matter much,’ thought Alice, ‘as all the arches are gone from this side
of the ground.’ So she tucked it away under her arm, that it might not
escape again, and went back for a little more conversation with her
friend.
When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to find quite a
large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute going on between
the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who were all talking at once,
while all the rest were quite silent, and looked very uncomfortable.
The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to settle
the question, and they repeated their arguments to her, though, as they
all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed to make out exactly
what they said.
The executioner’s argument was, that you couldn’t cut off a head unless
there was a body to cut it off from: that he had never had to do such a
thing before, and he wasn’t going to begin at HIS time of life.
The King’s argument was, that anything that had a head could be
beheaded, and that you weren’t to talk nonsense.
The Queen’s argument was, that if something wasn’t done about it in less
than no time she’d have everybody executed, all round. (It was this last
remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious.)
Alice could think of nothing else to say but ‘It belongs to the Duchess:
you’d better ask HER about it.’
‘She’s in prison,’ the Queen said to the executioner: ‘fetch her here.’
And the executioner went off like an arrow.
The Cat’s head began fading away the moment he was gone, and,
by the time he had come back with the Duchess, it had entirely
disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and down
looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game.
CHAPTER IX. The Mock Turtle’s Story
‘You can’t think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing!’
said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice’s, and
they walked off together.
Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and thought
to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had made her so
savage when they met in the kitchen.
‘When I’M a Duchess,’ she said to herself, (not in a very hopeful tone
though), ‘I won’t have any pepper in my kitchen AT ALL. Soup does very
well without--Maybe it’s always pepper that makes people hot-tempered,’
she went on, very much pleased at having found out a new kind of
rule, ‘and vinegar that makes them sour--and camomile that makes
them bitter--and--and barley-sugar and such things that make children
sweet-tempered. I only wish people knew that: then they wouldn’t be so
stingy about it, you know--’
She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a little
startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. ‘You’re thinking
about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can’t
tell you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in
a bit.’
‘Perhaps it hasn’t one,’ Alice ventured to remark.
‘Tut, tut, child!’ said the Duchess. ‘Everything’s got a moral, if only
you can find it.’ And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice’s side as
she spoke.
Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, because the
Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly, because she was exactly the
right height to rest her chin upon Alice’s shoulder, and it was an
uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not like to be rude, so she
bore it as well as she could.
‘The game’s going on rather better now,’ she said, by way of keeping up
the conversation a little.
‘’Tis so,’ said the Duchess: ‘and the moral of that is--"Oh, ‘tis love,
‘tis love, that makes the world go round!"’
‘Somebody said,’ Alice whispered, ‘that it’s done by everybody minding
their own business!’
‘Ah, well! It means much the same thing,’ said the Duchess, digging her
sharp little chin into Alice’s shoulder as she added, ‘and the moral
of THAT is--"Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of
themselves."’
‘How fond she is of finding morals in things!’ Alice thought to herself.
‘I dare say you’re wondering why I don’t put my arm round your waist,’
the Duchess said after a pause: ‘the reason is, that I’m doubtful about
the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?’
‘HE might bite,’ Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all anxious to
have the experiment tried.
‘Very true,’ said the Duchess: ‘flamingoes and mustard both bite. And
the moral of that is--"Birds of a feather flock together."’
‘Only mustard isn’t a bird,’ Alice remarked.
‘Right, as usual,’ said the Duchess: ‘what a clear way you have of
putting things!’
‘It’s a mineral, I THINK,’ said Alice.
‘Of course it is,’ said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to
everything that Alice said; ‘there’s a large mustard-mine near here. And
the moral of that is--"The more there is of mine, the less there is of
yours."’
‘Oh, I know!’ exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this last remark,
‘it’s a vegetable. It doesn’t look like one, but it is.’
‘I quite agree with you,’ said the Duchess; ‘and the moral of that
is--"Be what you would seem to be"--or if you’d like it put more
simply--"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might
appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise
than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise."’
‘I think I should understand that better,’ Alice said very politely, ‘if
I had it written down: but I can’t quite follow it as you say it.’
‘That’s nothing to what I could say if I chose,’ the Duchess replied, in
a pleased tone.
‘Pray don’t trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,’ said
Alice.
‘Oh, don’t talk about trouble!’ said the Duchess. ‘I make you a present
of everything I’ve said as yet.’
‘A cheap sort of present!’ thought Alice. ‘I’m glad they don’t give
birthday presents like that!’ But she did not venture to say it out
loud.
‘Thinking again?’ the Duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp
little chin.
‘I’ve a right to think,’ said Alice sharply, for she was beginning to
feel a little worried.
‘Just about as much right,’ said the Duchess, ‘as pigs have to fly; and
the m--’
But here, to Alice’s great surprise, the Duchess’s voice died away, even
in the middle of her favourite word ‘moral,’ and the arm that was linked
into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen
in front of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a thunderstorm.
‘A fine day, your Majesty!’ the Duchess began in a low, weak voice.
‘Now, I give you fair warning,’ shouted the Queen, stamping on the
ground as she spoke; ‘either you or your head must be off, and that in
about half no time! Take your choice!’
The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment.
‘Let’s go on with the game,’ the Queen said to Alice; and Alice was
too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her back to the
croquet-ground.
The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen’s absence, and were
resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, they hurried
back to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a moment’s delay would
cost them their lives.
All the time they were playing the Queen never left off quarrelling with
the other players, and shouting ‘Off with his head!’ or ‘Off with her
head!’ Those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers,
who of course had to leave off being arches to do this, so that by
the end of half an hour or so there were no arches left, and all the
players, except the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and
under sentence of execution.
Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to Alice, ‘Have
you seen the Mock Turtle yet?’
‘No,’ said Alice. ‘I don’t even know what a Mock Turtle is.’
‘It’s the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,’ said the Queen.
‘I never saw one, or heard of one,’ said Alice.
‘Come on, then,’ said the Queen, ‘and he shall tell you his history,’
As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low voice,
to the company generally, ‘You are all pardoned.’ ‘Come, THAT’S a good
thing!’ she said to herself, for she had felt quite unhappy at the
number of executions the Queen had ordered.
They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the sun.
(IF you don’t know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) ‘Up, lazy
thing!’ said the Queen, ‘and take this young lady to see the Mock
Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and see after some
executions I have ordered’; and she walked off, leaving Alice alone with
the Gryphon. Alice did not quite like the look of the creature, but on
the whole she thought it would be quite as safe to stay with it as to go
after that savage Queen: so she waited.
The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the Queen till
she was out of sight: then it chuckled. ‘What fun!’ said the Gryphon,
half to itself, half to Alice.
‘What IS the fun?’ said Alice.
‘Why, SHE,’ said the Gryphon. ‘It’s all her fancy, that: they never
executes nobody, you know. Come on!’
‘Everybody says "come on!" here,’ thought Alice, as she went slowly
after it: ‘I never was so ordered about in all my life, never!’
They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the distance,
sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they came
nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart would break. She
pitied him deeply. ‘What is his sorrow?’ she asked the Gryphon, and the
Gryphon answered, very nearly in the same words as before, ‘It’s all his
fancy, that: he hasn’t got no sorrow, you know. Come on!’
So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with large eyes
full of tears, but said nothing.
‘This here young lady,’ said the Gryphon, ‘she wants for to know your
history, she do.’
‘I’ll tell it her,’ said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow tone: ‘sit
down, both of you, and don’t speak a word till I’ve finished.’
So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to
herself, ‘I don’t see how he can EVEN finish, if he doesn’t begin.’ But
she waited patiently.
‘Once,’ said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, ‘I was a real
Turtle.’
These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only by an
occasional exclamation of ‘Hjckrrh!’ from the Gryphon, and the constant
heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very nearly getting up and
saying, ‘Thank you, sir, for your interesting story,’ but she could
not help thinking there MUST be more to come, so she sat still and said
nothing.
‘When we were little,’ the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly,
though still sobbing a little now and then, ‘we went to school in the
sea. The master was an old Turtle--we used to call him Tortoise--’
‘Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn’t one?’ Alice asked.
‘We called him Tortoise because he taught us,’ said the Mock Turtle
angrily: ‘really you are very dull!’
‘You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question,’
added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and looked at poor
Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At last the Gryphon said
to the Mock Turtle, ‘Drive on, old fellow! Don’t be all day about it!’
and he went on in these words:
‘Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn’t believe it--’
‘I never said I didn’t!’ interrupted Alice.
‘You did,’ said the Mock Turtle.
‘Hold your tongue!’ added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak again.
The Mock Turtle went on.
‘We had the best of educations--in fact, we went to school every day--’
‘I’VE been to a day-school, too,’ said Alice; ‘you needn’t be so proud
as all that.’
‘With extras?’ asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.
‘Yes,’ said Alice, ‘we learned French and music.’
‘And washing?’ said the Mock Turtle.
‘Certainly not!’ said Alice indignantly.
‘Ah! then yours wasn’t a really good school,’ said the Mock Turtle in
a tone of great relief. ‘Now at OURS they had at the end of the bill,
"French, music, AND WASHING--extra."’
‘You couldn’t have wanted it much,’ said Alice; ‘living at the bottom of
the sea.’
‘I couldn’t afford to learn it.’ said the Mock Turtle with a sigh. ‘I
only took the regular course.’
‘What was that?’ inquired Alice.
‘Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,’ the Mock Turtle
replied; ‘and then the different branches of Arithmetic--Ambition,
Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.’
‘I never heard of "Uglification,"’ Alice ventured to say. ‘What is it?’
The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. ‘What! Never heard of
uglifying!’ it exclaimed. ‘You know what to beautify is, I suppose?’
‘Yes,’ said Alice doubtfully: ‘it means--to--make--anything--prettier.’
‘Well, then,’ the Gryphon went on, ‘if you don’t know what to uglify is,
you ARE a simpleton.’
Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it, so she
turned to the Mock Turtle, and said ‘What else had you to learn?’
‘Well, there was Mystery,’ the Mock Turtle replied, counting off
the subjects on his flappers, ‘--Mystery, ancient and modern, with
Seaography: then Drawling--the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel,
that used to come once a week: HE taught us Drawling, Stretching, and
Fainting in Coils.’
‘What was THAT like?’ said Alice.
‘Well, I can’t show it you myself,’ the Mock Turtle said: ‘I’m too
stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.’
‘Hadn’t time,’ said the Gryphon: ‘I went to the Classics master, though.
He was an old crab, HE was.’
‘I never went to him,’ the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: ‘he taught
Laughing and Grief, they used to say.’
‘So he did, so he did,’ said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; and both
creatures hid their faces in their paws.
‘And how many hours a day did you do lessons?’ said Alice, in a hurry to
change the subject.
‘Ten hours the first day,’ said the Mock Turtle: ‘nine the next, and so
on.’
‘What a curious plan!’ exclaimed Alice.
‘That’s the reason they’re called lessons,’ the Gryphon remarked:
‘because they lessen from day to day.’
This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a little
before she made her next remark. ‘Then the eleventh day must have been a
holiday?’
‘Of course it was,’ said the Mock Turtle.
‘And how did you manage on the twelfth?’ Alice went on eagerly.
‘That’s enough about lessons,’ the Gryphon interrupted in a very decided
tone: ‘tell her something about the games now.’
CHAPTER X. The Lobster Quadrille
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper across
his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, but for a minute or
two sobs choked his voice. ‘Same as if he had a bone in his throat,’
said the Gryphon: and it set to work shaking him and punching him in
the back. At last the Mock Turtle recovered his voice, and, with tears
running down his cheeks, he went on again:--
‘You may not have lived much under the sea--’ [‘I haven’t,’ said
Alice)--‘and perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster--’
(Alice began to say ‘I once tasted--’ but checked herself hastily, and
said ‘No, never’) ‘--so you can have no idea what a delightful thing a
Lobster Quadrille is!’
‘No, indeed,’ said Alice. ‘What sort of a dance is it?’
‘Why,’ said the Gryphon, ‘you first form into a line along the
sea-shore--’
‘Two lines!’ cried the Mock Turtle. ‘Seals, turtles, salmon, and so on;
then, when you’ve cleared all the jelly-fish out of the way--’
‘THAT generally takes some time,’ interrupted the Gryphon.
‘--you advance twice--’
‘Each with a lobster as a partner!’ cried the Gryphon.
‘Of course,’ the Mock Turtle said: ‘advance twice, set to partners--’
‘--change lobsters, and retire in same order,’ continued the Gryphon.
‘Then, you know,’ the Mock Turtle went on, ‘you throw the--’
‘The lobsters!’ shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the air.
‘--as far out to sea as you can--’
‘Swim after them!’ screamed the Gryphon.
‘Turn a somersault in the sea!’ cried the Mock Turtle, capering wildly
about.
‘Change lobsters again!’ yelled the Gryphon at the top of its voice.
‘Back to land again, and that’s all the first figure,’ said the Mock
Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two creatures, who had been
jumping about like mad things all this time, sat down again very sadly
and quietly, and looked at Alice.
‘It must be a very pretty dance,’ said Alice timidly.
‘Would you like to see a little of it?’ said the Mock Turtle.
‘Very much indeed,’ said Alice.
‘Come, let’s try the first figure!’ said the Mock Turtle to the Gryphon.
‘We can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall sing?’
‘Oh, YOU sing,’ said the Gryphon. ‘I’ve forgotten the words.’
So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now and
then treading on her toes when they passed too close, and waving their
forepaws to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle sang this, very slowly
and sadly:--
‘"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail.
"There’s a porpoise close behind us, and he’s treading on my tail.
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
They are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join the dance?
Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join the dance?
Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you join the dance?
"You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!"
But the snail replied "Too far, too far!" and gave a look askance--
Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance.
Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance.
Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance.
‘"What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied.
"There is another shore, you know, upon the other side.
The further off from England the nearer is to France--
Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance.
Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join the dance?
Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you join the dance?"’
‘Thank you, it’s a very interesting dance to watch,’ said Alice, feeling
very glad that it was over at last: ‘and I do so like that curious song
about the whiting!’
‘Oh, as to the whiting,’ said the Mock Turtle, ‘they--you’ve seen them,
of course?’
‘Yes,’ said Alice, ‘I’ve often seen them at dinn--’ she checked herself
hastily.
‘I don’t know where Dinn may be,’ said the Mock Turtle, ‘but if you’ve
seen them so often, of course you know what they’re like.’
‘I believe so,’ Alice replied thoughtfully. ‘They have their tails in
their mouths--and they’re all over crumbs.’
‘You’re wrong about the crumbs,’ said the Mock Turtle: ‘crumbs would all
wash off in the sea. But they HAVE their tails in their mouths; and the
reason is--’ here the Mock Turtle yawned and shut his eyes.--‘Tell her
about the reason and all that,’ he said to the Gryphon.
‘The reason is,’ said the Gryphon, ‘that they WOULD go with the lobsters
to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So they had to fall a long
way. So they got their tails fast in their mouths. So they couldn’t get
them out again. That’s all.’
‘Thank you,’ said Alice, ‘it’s very interesting. I never knew so much
about a whiting before.’
‘I can tell you more than that, if you like,’ said the Gryphon. ‘Do you
know why it’s called a whiting?’
‘I never thought about it,’ said Alice. ‘Why?’
‘IT DOES THE BOOTS AND SHOES.’ the Gryphon replied very solemnly.
Alice was thoroughly puzzled. ‘Does the boots and shoes!’ she repeated
in a wondering tone.
‘Why, what are YOUR shoes done with?’ said the Gryphon. ‘I mean, what
makes them so shiny?’
Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she gave her
answer. ‘They’re done with blacking, I believe.’
‘Boots and shoes under the sea,’ the Gryphon went on in a deep voice,
‘are done with a whiting. Now you know.’
‘And what are they made of?’ Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity.
‘Soles and eels, of course,’ the Gryphon replied rather impatiently:
‘any shrimp could have told you that.’
‘If I’d been the whiting,’ said Alice, whose thoughts were still running
on the song, ‘I’d have said to the porpoise, "Keep back, please: we
don’t want YOU with us!"’
‘They were obliged to have him with them,’ the Mock Turtle said: ‘no
wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.’
‘Wouldn’t it really?’ said Alice in a tone of great surprise.
‘Of course not,’ said the Mock Turtle: ‘why, if a fish came to ME, and
told me he was going a journey, I should say "With what porpoise?"’
‘Don’t you mean "purpose"?’ said Alice.
‘I mean what I say,’ the Mock Turtle replied in an offended tone. And
the Gryphon added ‘Come, let’s hear some of YOUR adventures.’
‘I could tell you my adventures--beginning from this morning,’ said
Alice a little timidly: ‘but it’s no use going back to yesterday,
because I was a different person then.’
‘Explain all that,’ said the Mock Turtle.
‘No, no! The adventures first,’ said the Gryphon in an impatient tone:
‘explanations take such a dreadful time.’
So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when she first
saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about it just at first,
the two creatures got so close to her, one on each side, and opened
their eyes and mouths so VERY wide, but she gained courage as she went
on. Her listeners were perfectly quiet till she got to the part about
her repeating ‘YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM,’ to the Caterpillar, and the
words all coming different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath,
and said ‘That’s very curious.’
‘It’s all about as curious as it can be,’ said the Gryphon.
‘It all came different!’ the Mock Turtle repeated thoughtfully. ‘I
should like to hear her try and repeat something now. Tell her to
begin.’ He looked at the Gryphon as if he thought it had some kind of
authority over Alice.
‘Stand up and repeat "‘TIS THE VOICE OF THE SLUGGARD,"’ said the
Gryphon.
‘How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat lessons!’
thought Alice; ‘I might as well be at school at once.’ However, she
got up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so full of the Lobster
Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was saying, and the words came
very queer indeed:--
‘’Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare,
"You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair."
As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose
Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.’
[later editions continued as follows
When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,
And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark,
But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,
His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.]
‘That’s different from what I used to say when I was a child,’ said the
Gryphon.
‘Well, I never heard it before,’ said the Mock Turtle; ‘but it sounds
uncommon nonsense.’
Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her hands,
wondering if anything would EVER happen in a natural way again.
‘I should like to have it explained,’ said the Mock Turtle.
‘She can’t explain it,’ said the Gryphon hastily. ‘Go on with the next
verse.’
‘But about his toes?’ the Mock Turtle persisted. ‘How COULD he turn them
out with his nose, you know?’
‘It’s the first position in dancing.’ Alice said; but was dreadfully
puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the subject.
‘Go on with the next verse,’ the Gryphon repeated impatiently: ‘it
begins "I passed by his garden."’
Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would all come
wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice:--
‘I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye,
How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie--’
[later editions continued as follows
The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat,
While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat.
When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon,
Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon:
While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl,
And concluded the banquet--]
‘What IS the use of repeating all that stuff,’ the Mock Turtle
interrupted, ‘if you don’t explain it as you go on? It’s by far the most
confusing thing I ever heard!’
‘Yes, I think you’d better leave off,’ said the Gryphon: and Alice was
only too glad to do so.
‘Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?’ the Gryphon went
on. ‘Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?’
‘Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind,’ Alice
replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather offended tone,
‘Hm! No accounting for tastes! Sing her "Turtle Soup," will you, old
fellow?’
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes choked
with sobs, to sing this:--
‘Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,
Waiting in a hot tureen!
Who for such dainties would not stoop?
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!
‘Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,
Game, or any other dish?
Who would not give all else for two
Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
Beautiful, beauti--FUL SOUP!’
‘Chorus again!’ cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had just begun
to repeat it, when a cry of ‘The trial’s beginning!’ was heard in the
distance.
‘Come on!’ cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand, it hurried
off, without waiting for the end of the song.
‘What trial is it?’ Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon only
answered ‘Come on!’ and ran the faster, while more and more faintly
came, carried on the breeze that followed them, the melancholy words:--
‘Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!’
CHAPTER XI. Who Stole the Tarts?
The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they
arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them--all sorts of little
birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was
standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard
him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand,
and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court
was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good,
that it made Alice quite hungry to look at them--‘I wish they’d get the
trial done,’ she thought, ‘and hand round the refreshments!’ But there
seemed to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about
her, to pass away the time.
Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read
about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew
the name of nearly everything there. ‘That’s the judge,’ she said to
herself, ‘because of his great wig.’
The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over the
wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it,) he did
not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.
‘And that’s the jury-box,’ thought Alice, ‘and those twelve creatures,’
(she was obliged to say ‘creatures,’ you see, because some of them were
animals, and some were birds,) ‘I suppose they are the jurors.’ She said
this last word two or three times over to herself, being rather proud of
it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of her
age knew the meaning of it at all. However, ‘jury-men’ would have done
just as well.
The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. ‘What are they
doing?’ Alice whispered to the Gryphon. ‘They can’t have anything to put
down yet, before the trial’s begun.’
‘They’re putting down their names,’ the Gryphon whispered in reply, ‘for
fear they should forget them before the end of the trial.’
‘Stupid things!’ Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped
hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, ‘Silence in the court!’ and the
King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, to make out who
was talking.
Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders,
that all the jurors were writing down ‘stupid things!’ on their slates,
and she could even make out that one of them didn’t know how to spell
‘stupid,’ and that he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. ‘A nice
muddle their slates’ll be in before the trial’s over!’ thought Alice.
One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, Alice
could not stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and
very soon found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly
that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out
at all what had become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was
obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was
of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate.
‘Herald, read the accusation!’ said the King.
On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then
unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:--
‘The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
All on a summer day:
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
And took them quite away!’
‘Consider your verdict,’ the King said to the jury.
‘Not yet, not yet!’ the Rabbit hastily interrupted. ‘There’s a great
deal to come before that!’
‘Call the first witness,’ said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three
blasts on the trumpet, and called out, ‘First witness!’
The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one
hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. ‘I beg pardon, your
Majesty,’ he began, ‘for bringing these in: but I hadn’t quite finished
my tea when I was sent for.’
‘You ought to have finished,’ said the King. ‘When did you begin?’
The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the
court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. ‘Fourteenth of March, I think it
was,’ he said.
‘Fifteenth,’ said the March Hare.
‘Sixteenth,’ added the Dormouse.
‘Write that down,’ the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly
wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and
reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
‘Take off your hat,’ the King said to the Hatter.
‘It isn’t mine,’ said the Hatter.
‘Stolen!’ the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a
memorandum of the fact.
‘I keep them to sell,’ the Hatter added as an explanation; ‘I’ve none of
my own. I’m a hatter.’
Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the Hatter,
who turned pale and fidgeted.
‘Give your evidence,’ said the King; ‘and don’t be nervous, or I’ll have
you executed on the spot.’
This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting
from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in
his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the
bread-and-butter.
Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled
her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was beginning to
grow larger again, and she thought at first she would get up and leave
the court; but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as
long as there was room for her.
‘I wish you wouldn’t squeeze so.’ said the Dormouse, who was sitting
next to her. ‘I can hardly breathe.’
‘I can’t help it,’ said Alice very meekly: ‘I’m growing.’
‘You’ve no right to grow here,’ said the Dormouse.
‘Don’t talk nonsense,’ said Alice more boldly: ‘you know you’re growing
too.’
‘Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace,’ said the Dormouse: ‘not in that
ridiculous fashion.’ And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to the
other side of the court.
All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter, and,
just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the officers
of the court, ‘Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert!’ on
which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.
‘Give your evidence,’ the King repeated angrily, ‘or I’ll have you
executed, whether you’re nervous or not.’
‘I’m a poor man, your Majesty,’ the Hatter began, in a trembling voice,
‘--and I hadn’t begun my tea--not above a week or so--and what with the
bread-and-butter getting so thin--and the twinkling of the tea--’
‘The twinkling of the what?’ said the King.
‘It began with the tea,’ the Hatter replied.
‘Of course twinkling begins with a T!’ said the King sharply. ‘Do you
take me for a dunce? Go on!’
‘I’m a poor man,’ the Hatter went on, ‘and most things twinkled after
that--only the March Hare said--’
‘I didn’t!’ the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.
‘You did!’ said the Hatter.
‘I deny it!’ said the March Hare.
‘He denies it,’ said the King: ‘leave out that part.’
‘Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said--’ the Hatter went on, looking
anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse denied
nothing, being fast asleep.
‘After that,’ continued the Hatter, ‘I cut some more bread-and-butter--’
‘But what did the Dormouse say?’ one of the jury asked.
‘That I can’t remember,’ said the Hatter.
‘You MUST remember,’ remarked the King, ‘or I’ll have you executed.’
The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, and went
down on one knee. ‘I’m a poor man, your Majesty,’ he began.
‘You’re a very poor speaker,’ said the King.
Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by
the officers of the court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just
explain to you how it was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied
up at the mouth with strings: into this they slipped the guinea-pig,
head first, and then sat upon it.)
‘I’m glad I’ve seen that done,’ thought Alice. ‘I’ve so often read
in the newspapers, at the end of trials, "There was some attempts
at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the
court," and I never understood what it meant till now.’
‘If that’s all you know about it, you may stand down,’ continued the
King.
‘I can’t go no lower,’ said the Hatter: ‘I’m on the floor, as it is.’
‘Then you may SIT down,’ the King replied.
Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.
‘Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!’ thought Alice. ‘Now we shall get
on better.’
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
43
44
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
53
54
55
56
57
58
59
60
61
62
63
64
65
66
67
68
69
70
71
72
73
74
75
76
77
78
79
80
81
82
83
84
85
86
87
88
89
90
91
92
93
94
95
96
97
98
99
100
101
102
103
104
105
106
107
108
109
110
111
112
113
114
115
116
117
118
119
120
121
122
123
124
125
126
127
128
129
130
131
132
133
134
135
136
137
138
139
140
141
142
143
144
145
146
147
148
149
150
151
152
153
154
155
156
157
158
159
160
161
162
163
164
165
166
167
168
169
170
171
172
173
174
175
176
177
178
179
180
181
182
183
184
185
186
187
188
189
190
191
192
193
194
195
196
197
198
199
200
201
202
203
204
205
206
207
208
209
210
211
212
213
214
215
216
217
218
219
220
221
222
223
224
225
226
227
228
229
230
231
232
233
234
235
236
237
238
239
240
241
242
243
244
245
246
247
248
249
250
251
252
253
254
255
256
257
258
259
260
261
262
263
264
265
266
267
268
269
270
271
272
273
274
275
276
277
278
279
280
281
282
283
284
285
286
287
288
289
290
291
292
293
294
295
296
297
298
299
300
301
302
303
304
305
306
307
308
309
310
311
312
313
314
315
316
317
318
319
320
321
322
323
324
325
326
327
328
329
330
331
332
333
334
335
336
337
338
339
340
341
342
343
344
345
346
347
348
349
350
351
352
353
354
355
356
357
358
359
360
361
362
363
364
365
366
367
368
369
370
371
372
373
374
375
376
377
378
379
380
381
382
383
384
385
386
387
388
389
390
391
392
393
394
395
396
397
398
399
400
401
402
403
404
405
406
407
408
409
410
411
412
413
414
415
416
417
418
419
420
421
422
423
424
425
426
427
428
429
430
431
432
433
434
435
436
437
438
439
440
441
442
443
444
445
446
447
448
449
450
451
452
453
454
455
456
457
458
459
460
461
462
463
464
465
466
467
468
469
470
471
472
473
474
475
476
477
478
479
480
481
482
483
484
485
486
487
488
489
490
491
492
493
494
495
496
497
498
499
500
501
502
503
504
505
506
507
508
509
510
511
512
513
514
515
516
517
518
519
520
521
522
523
524
525
526
527
528
529
530
531
532
533
534
535
536
537
538
539
540
541
542
543
544
545
546
547
548
549
550
551
552
553
554
555
556
557
558
559
560
561
562
563
564
565
566
567
568
569
570
571
572
573
574
575
576
577
578
579
580
581
582
583
584
585
586
587
588
589
590
591
592
593
594
595
596
597
598
599
600
601
602
603
604
605
606
607
608
609
610
611
612
613
614
615
616
617
618
619
620
621
622
623
624
625
626
627
628
629
630
631
632
633
634
635
636
637
638
639
640
641
642
643
644
645
646
647
648
649
650
651
652
653
654
655
656
657
658
659
660
661
662
663
664
665
666
667
668
669
670
671
672
673
674
675
676
677
678
679
680
681
682
683
684
685
686
687
688
689
690
691
692
693
694
695
696
697
698
699
700
701
702
703
704
705
706
707
708
709
710
711
712
713
714
715
716
717
718
719
720
721
722
723
724
725
726
727
728
729
730
731
732
733
734
735
736
737
738
739
740
741
742
743
744
745
746
747
748
749
750
751
752
753
754
755
756
757
758
759
760
761
762
763
764
765
766
767
768
769
770
771
772
773
774
775
776
777
778
779
780
781
782
783
784
785
786
787
788
789
790
791
792
793
794
795
796
797
798
799
800
801
802
803
804
805
806
807
808
809
810
811
812
813
814
815
816
817
818
819
820
821
822
823
824
825
826
827
828
829
830
831
832
833
834
835
836
837
838
839
840
841
842
843
844
845
846
847
848
849
850
851
852
853
854
855
856
857
858
859
860
861
862
863
864
865
866
867
868
869
870
871
872
873
874
875
876
877
878
879
880
881
882
883
884
885
886
887
888
889
890
891
892
893
894
895
896
897
898
899
900
901
902
903
904
905
906
907
908
909
910
911
912
913
914
915
916
917
918
919
920
921
922
923
924
925
926
927
928
929
930
931
932
933
934
935
936
937
938
939
940
941
942
943
944
945
946
947
948
949
950
951
952
953
954
955
956
957
958
959
960
961
962
963
964
965
966
967
968
969
970
971
972
973
974
975
976
977
978
979
980
981
982
983
984
985
986
987
988
989
990
991
992
993
994
995
996
997
998
999
1000